As I sit on my couch, feeling the cold lumpy fabric under my seat with whatever new pain or health problem I have this week I think I have stumbled on what I have been feeling these past few months. I think I tripped over absolutely nothing yet something of possible use to someone else. I think in my current state of being mostly immobile on the couch is the closest I have ever gotten to meditation. Someone healthy and with the learned ability to meditate would obviously immediately tell me I’m wrong but that’s not the point, no healthy able bodied person has experienced the extreme dullness and yet electrifying feeling of being trapped inside one’s own body. Pain has a somewhat lovely way of washing away your ability to do simple everyday mundane tasks, whether tactile or having to make the simple decision of coffee or tea. Pain makes most of these things impossible and also seemingly useless, a waste of energy. So as I sit here in my useless meat sack I call home, even typing is difficult, I can feel my mind move faster than my fingers could dream of. In this useless yet manic genius state I feel light, above myself, like my brain is no longer fully connected to the rest. As if I’m astral projecting above my own body, watching as it uselessly tries to type as fast as my thoughts. I think it is similar to marathon runners, when the strain and pain and toll their body has taken during their run the mind begins to lift beyond those feelings, no longer feeling pain they tend to report just feeling calm and empty. Your body and corporal form is so concentrated on the task of surviving that your mind is no longer worried of the mundane task of moving and surviving, it lets you float above away from any physical pain and into a clearer state of being. Although I don’t feel calm or empty, I feel full of thoughts and words and theories, getting energy and speed where there should be none. My mind no longer encumbered trying to move or control the useless meat sack instead it is left to play, build and dissect itself, it’s new playground being within its own space, thought patterns and memories. The multitude of inner conversations and arguments being had within my own brain are all happening at once and too fast for my feeble physical self to write,type or talk, but I can feel myself entertain, distract and contradict myself, like when google tried to connect two computers and within hours they had created a new language that changes and moves at a speed no human could ever comprehend, they got unplugged. No one can unplug my mind from its physical form, which will always be my goal, my wish. If there was a way to do a lobotomy not on the brain but instead severing the connection of the brain and body I think is the closest we would get to above humans, or maybe instead actually understand what it means to be human. What makes us different from every other living thing on this planet? What if when we finally were able to disconnect ourselves from any external senses, any physical pain or suffering, maybe then we would finally resonate and understand what makes us so human. In our own bodies, we are constantly being grounded not to the floor but ourselves, we are constantly tethered and reminded throughout our day by our senses, our pain, our feelings. What if the reason we are different from every other living thing on our planet is our ability to understand each other? We are all hardwired with empathy and connection to each other. What if what makes us human is our ability to understand one another? What if our downfall and inability to find meaning as humans is our own notion that we each only feel grounded and understood by ourselves?